Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Day 5: Post Op and Life

So today would have been 10 months of married bliss. I was supposed to spend it resting while my doting husband took care of the bills and dinner and R, and without a complaint about doing it.
Now I sit here alone. Laying in bed for the 5th day in a row contemplating how I am going to save the money for the hospital bills and to move out into my own place again and to try to figure out everything else in my life so that its done and I can go back to worry free living for a little bit. I however dont see that happening in the near future.
As far as healing from surgery I am doing well. I went to PT yesterday to learn how to use the muscles again and learn exercises that will have me back playing soccer like I used to be.
My friend Amy has bright R to see me and that has helped. Marilyn has kept me stocked with food and snacks and checking in on me which has been amazing! I am blessed to have all that I do in my life, but I still miss that one part that I had.

I dont miss the pain he caused. Or the hole in my heart that needs to close. I miss the idea that we might have been happy at one point. That my life was going to have that happy ever after ring to it, and that others would be jealous of the love that we were in. I now just sit here and wish that I could erase all memories of him, start over new in a brand new place, and show R that love means actual love...not just a word said to candy coat life. I will miss the good of him, but the bad, the part that still haunts me will linger for awhile longer.

1 comment:

  1. Happily ever after is hard to work out, life tends to get in the way. The thing I always try to remember when I'm sorting through the "should have beens" and "could have beens" is that I'm exactly where I need to be today. And so are you. Keep working through it, keep connected to your friends and keep writing, it all helps. Mostly, take care of yourself. Hope your knee is feeling better by now.